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I miss…

I miss the way you used to laugh, the way you used to hug me, the way you used to tell me stories and make me feel safe and loved.

I miss your face and smell and voice and everything.

I miss the way you behaved around me and my family.

I miss the way you always made sure we had everything we wanted and needed.

I miss coming to your house and seeing you walk out the yard door with the largest smile on your face I’ve ever seen.

I miss how you made every singe thing seem simple and not hard for you.

I miss the stories about your childhood and your parents.

I miss the kind sound of your voice.

But above all this, I miss you and the pure memory of you.

Now, I lay here watching the sky and thinking that you’re up there somewhere watching me and taking care of me, my sister, my parents and grandma. I know you were sick, and that you could not have left faster and painless than you did. But I kinda wish you haven’t gone.

I wish you were still here to hug me, talk to me and protect me.

I wish you were still here, because then things wouldn’t have gone and changed so badly and I would have still been myself.

I wish I had the chance to say goodbye to you and hug you one last time.

But don’t worry, I understand why you didn’t want us to see you on your last day. You weren’t you anymore. You wanted us to have the same image of you in our head. But I don’t, and now I barely remember your old face, I only recognize it from old photos.

So, I think I am finally better, or at least better than I was few days ago. And I just want you to know how much you are missed and loved. 

Forever and Always,

            Your little granddaughter.

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